This is a subject that I think is so important – I will write about it in several parts (fair warning)…

The concept I want to talk about is “cause and effect.”  The way my mind works (this may be a fairly scary area to go into), this has always been a pretty straight forward idea.  For instance, as a kid if I was told not to do something and I went ahead and did it anyway, I could expect that there would be an “effect” for what I did.  Make sense so far…?

Another idea I firmly believe, that is closely tied to the concept of cause and effect, is the idea that when you break it down, life is quite simply a series of choices.  We all have many, many choices to make in our lives.  Some are hard, some are easy.  Some may appear to be easy, but turn out to be more complex or difficult than we anticipated   In any event, we have choices to make and hopefully, at the end of our lives, we have made more good choices, than bad.

The thing that makes choices even more exciting is when that whole cause and effect thing comes into play.  Even choices that we believe are good, and the right thing to do, may have an unintended effect that could even be negative.

Again, does this make sense to you so far…?  If it does make sense to you, then let’s move onto the next idea.  If it doesn’t make sense… well, I guess you should stop reading because this is just the beginning of my thoughts on this (hence, the “Part One” on the title above).

Okay, since you have stuck with me, I guess I can assume you understand what I am proposing so far.  If we agree that there is definitely a cause and effect, and that life is in its most basic form – a series of choices… then why do people seem to be so stupid…?

Admittedly that last statement was a bit harsh, but really – why is it so hard to understand? For instance, we talk quite a bit about learning, exploring, and asking questions on this blog.  That is because those things are firmly rooted in who we are, and as such – help to make up our philosophy. The obvious effect of all of that is that you learn and see new things.  That, for the most part, is a good thing.  Right?

So, when you listen to people (or even listen to yourself) and there is this theme of “why am I stuck in this” –  (fill in the blank) or, “I am tired of this”  – (fill in the blank), and so on, doesn’t it make sense that the answer to whatever is that is irksome is to change it.  So now you have choices to make.  Is it really that bad? (Yes or no.)  Are there other options?   (Yes or no.)   Is it time to make a change?  (Yes or no.)  And of course that process goes on and on…

The “effect” in what I am talking about is your life.  And by and large, you are the “cause”, so take charge and make choices that will hopefully have the “effect” you are looking for.  Make sense so far…?

More to come…

One of the major ideas I want my son, Nate, to acquire in life, is to not take himself too seriously.  It’s a tough one, but important to remember that we and our problems won’t stop the earth’s rotation, and that we need to laugh at ourselves and our situations more often than not. Of course, to an 18-month old, when his truck falls off the couch, you’d think the earth DID stop moving, and tantrums rule the day. However, I’m learning very quickly that he will learn about not taking himself too seriously most effectively by watching our example as his parents.  This is a humbling exercise daily, if not hourly.

Of course, I could just tell Nate repeatedly not to take himself too seriously in life, and hope that works. Success probably wouldn’t follow, though, unless I back that up with living it out.  So I started thinking about how I do this.  Is it innate?  Did I learn it?   It sure feels like a discipline to me, and one I fail at miserably sometimes.   I’m a list person, so I began a list which goes something like this…

I believe part of not taking yourself too seriously is knowing who you are:  the good, the bad, the ugly, the strengths, and the weaknesses.  Go one step further.  Know these vices and virtues, work on what needs improving, use your talents, admit faults, understand what might not improve, and accept the journey.  I’ve been knocked down a few times before I accepted the journey, and know I’ll have more knockdowns.  I’ve made enough messes and mistakes that could have been avoided had I admitted my weaknesses, my limits, and my faults. Everyone has.  That’s the next part of my list.

Nobody is perfect.  The mistakes we make, the blunders we cause, all can be learning opportunities if we let them.  I’ve told myself this for years, but I’ve only really practiced this recently. I definitely am exercising this now with Nate.   In doing so, when a coworker, family member, friend or even stranger tells me something about myself, my life, or my work that feels negative, I can say, “Yep!  You’re right, I am/it is INSERT WHATEVER HERE… but I’m working on it.”  And then I don’t tend to carry it around. When I burn everything I attempt to make in the kitchen, I can usually laugh it off (after a dramatic hand to the forehead action). When I fall in public, cause half the grocery shelf to collapse, botch an assignment, run into someone, spill my drink on the stranger next to me, hit my head on a closed window as though forgetting the barrier is there, fall off my bike, trip while running, etc…I can say, “yep, that’s me…soooo not going to make a big deal about this”, and basically diffuse these scenarios by laughing at myself, or joining the others laughing at me.  That’s the last part of my list (I think).

Humor.  Have it, find it, embrace it, use it! Having a sense of humor makes accepting my quirks, even admitting them, that much easier.  Laughing at myself is actually a relief!  When Nate was 8 weeks old, I was mixing his formula in a big batch. We were in the home of two very important people in his life, the wife next to me, her husband holding their little dog across the counter. I shook that formula as I nervously talked to them, determined to prove I was a great mom by perfectly mixing and preparing Nate’s bottles.  Just when I was feeling confident, the cap flew off the container and a half gallon of warm liquid flew across the counter, covering the husband and their little dog.  Formula dripped from his chin and the dog’s ears.  The 5 second silence seemed like hours as I calculated my next move.  Pretend I don’t have a skeleton, sink to the floor and out the front door?  Attempt to dry him off?  Pretend nothing happened? Growl? Cry?  So I laughed and said he looked thirsty.  One by one they joined me and the laughter became accented by apologetic snorts. Years ago, I would have lost it, and then beat myself up over it for a long time.

When blunders happen, when turmoil strikes, when my toy falls off the couch and I’m super close to throwing my own tantrum,  I try to find that humor, forgive myself if I need to, and allow myself a little joy knowing the world will still be spinning when my chaos ends.   After all, it’s not all about me. My baby boy helps me live this out every day, and reminds me not to take myself so seriously.  For that, I’m so grateful…and here I thought I was teaching him!