Here we go again…on another road trip. Day 1…of 15.  Yipee.   Yep…still polishing up my toddler sarcasm.  This time it isn’t just a nice little 700-mile drive up the coast to Northern Oregon. Oh no.  Nope.  Once again Momma has sadly misinterpreted my body language in the car to mean I am more than okay with such a journey.   Umm….what part of squealing, crying, planned pooping and general crankiness says “more please” to you???  Sometimes I wonder about my parents.  

Momma and Daddy have decided I LOVE the car SO SO SO much that we are going to travel one way, 2,027 miles to Minnesota.  That lovely distance is without any stopping.   I love how they assume Lyla is okay with car trips as well.  Way to let us think for ourselves guys.  Ya know, I’m not even sure how far 2,027 miles is, but I DO know it will take days and days to get there.  Ooohhhh bumpers. 

I would be willing to bet ALL my toys AND my baby sister that Mr. and Mrs. Snapping Pictures Photosen in the front seat will have those cameras attached to their faces, stopping a gazillion trillion fifty times.

Go ahead.  I’ll just be back here.  In the back seat…staring out the window…wondering if I’ll ever get to use my legs again….listening to the screams of baby Lyla…masking my disappointment in my parents’ choices. 

Road Trip- Day 1

Sure, they promise fun, adventure, a train here and there, new books, yummy snacks and flashy toys for the car trip.   Forgive me if I have my doubts.   I mean, animal-shaped crackers and yogurt-covered raisins only go so far.  Besides, THEY eat more of my crackers than I do!!*   Don’t they realize they are too old to eat anything shaped like an animal???!!!  Don’t they realize my brain is still a construction zone???!!!  I am not built to sit for hours and hours…and hours.   They are only hurting themselves you know.   They’ll see.   Baby Lyla and I will enlighten them and give them a road trip alright.  

I better go…Momma is eyeballing me suspiciously, probably wondering what I’m smirking about.  I’ll throw her off by shoving this crayon in my mouth.   I’ll update you again soon though…Minnesota or bust!!!  Heh heh heh…

*This will be in my crayon memoirs as well.

I’m only saying this here, for you guys only.  Basically Momma says I’m not allowed to talk about “fair” and “not fair” in my world.   So, I’m just telling you people that it’s not fair.  What you ask?  The Drawing Game…yea, that one…the one without the color crayons.   Here’s the story, and I’ll let you decide if it’s fair.  But for now, it’s in the color crayon draft of my memoirs about how my parents dashed my dreams.  

So Momma made this biiiig deal about me drawing the first place we would go to for the field adventure in photography.   What she neglected to tell me is that if she didn’t agree with what choice I pulled, we wouldn’t go!!   Well, imagine my joy and excitement when I drew a picture of a train with some gobbly-gook next to it.   I can only assume the destination was to a train.  I’ll never know. Here’s why…as I looked to Daddy and Momma with anticipation and wonder, Momma snatched the paper from my hand and said, “Oh no…it’s broken!  Pick again Nate.”   Total gut punch.  What did she mean, “broken”?   Was the train “broken”?  Was the paper “broken”?   Shouldn’t we go so Daddy can help fix it with his super hero skills?   The only things broken were my dreams…and my heart.  

Still in shock, I obliged and pulled another paper from the tin.   I didn’t care where we went now…nothing mattered.   With no excitement, I pulled the next destination:   Fort Point & The Golden Gate Bridge.  Wahoo…not really.  Fort Schmort.  Unless we were going by train, I wasn’t interested.  

I’m only saying this here, for you guys only.  Fort Point:  Big Bumpers and Holy Bananas!!   So. Cool. It’s AMAZING!!! It’s TRAINTASTIC!!!  The fort thingy is right by the water and full of tunnels!  You can run and run!   When you laugh and scream it comes back and hugs you!   And there are three levels of stairs!  Stairs are fun.  Up. And. Down. Up. And. Down.   When Momma said , “fort” I thought it was going to be like the forts we make with blankets, sheets and chairs.    I’ll never look at our forts the same.  Time to find some bricks!  

Fort Point

Sheet Forts

Daddy tried to tell me what this fort was, why it was there.   He said it was to protect people.  He said that it was to keep people safe. He said that he and Momma were our fort, me and Lyla. He said that he and Momma would keep us safe, protect us.  Hmmm. Okay.  I think I get it.  

We ran around and took pictures for hours, until the sun started to get ready for bed.   When we left, I watched the fort disappear, thinking that even though The Drawing Game wasn’t fair, this wasn’t such a bad adventure.   Of course, I’ll never tell THEM that.  Bye –bye Fort Point.   It was time to go home…home to our very own fort.   

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• Nate’s Notes: The Drawing Game

Hi people.  Nate here.  I know, usually I only work on Nate’s Notes, which is hard enough at my age with my attention span.   However, Momma is sick so I am filling in for her. Good thing I am such a helper.  She had started something about expectations so I’ll just roll with that.   Momma talks enough about expectations that I think I get it.

I’m pretty sure expectations have something to do with what is going to happen.  Sometimes when whatever she is talking about doesn’t happen, she seems sad, or even angry.  I guess I’m expected to eat all my food.  I’m expected to listen when Momma or Daddy or anyone tells me not to touch something.  Trust me on this one.  I’m expected to wait my turn when Momma or Daddy are helping Lyla.  I’m expected to play by myself sometimes.  I hear all this a lot.  Pretty much it seems like a lot is expected from me.

Then there are expectations that aren’t said…like I’m expected to help with Lyla. Someone has to make her laugh.   When we are out on field adventures, I expect to have to help point things out for pictures or distract people from Momma’s embarrassing behavior, or both.  I expect both.  Momma expects me to take a nap.  I expect her to get upset when I don’t.  She knows how I feel about napping, so why does she always seem surprised and bring up disappointment???!!!  And the list goes on.

When our expectations don’t happen, there are tantrums and tears (again, Momma’s not mine-pfff).   Okay, maybe I cry too when I expect to play with my cars and trains all day long and I have to put them away.  Momma says that she sets high expectations for me because she knows I can “rise to the occasion”.  Whatever that means.    She also says she expects the next few years to be tough because my head gets harder every day, and Little Lyla seems to be much the same way.  Whatever that means.  My head feels the same as it did yesterday; still hurts when I bonk it.

Sometimes I feel like big people get too upset about things and stuff.   I try to help them out a little on this.   When they expect to be somewhere at a certain time, I try not to let them get too attached to that idea…and Lyla helps.  We throw in a surprise tantrum, a missing shoe, hidden car keys and a full diaper. Then Momma and Daddy have to practice their patience and learn to roll with it.   They are way too serious sometimes.   Once I helped Momma paint the kitchen cupboards and floor.   I thought it was beautiful and would make her smile, but she frowned and gave me a speech about expecting me to leave her paints alone and what is and is NOT a toy.  Sheesh.  It was only paint, washable paint!    We were both disappointed.

It’s weird because I don’t expect much from Momma and Daddy, or anyone.  I just do what brings me joy and play in the moment.  I do not worry about what is going to happen.   I know I’ll always be taken care of, always be fed, always have toys, always be kept safe, always dressed and, most importantly…always loved.  If I have all that, why do I need to expect anything more?

I’m an explorer!!  The other day I went on a walk with Gram.  We went looking for dirt, rocks, leaves, lizards, pine cones, bugs and anything else I could get away with shoving in my pockets to bring back inside.   I have an explorer’s treasure box that we fill with stuff from outside.  I collect all these things, and then I get to take the box out and look at the amazing things I find.   Momma says it’s a good adventure to look for textures, and she always brings her camera for pictures.  We find wet things like water and mud.  We find soft things like moss and sand.  We find prickly things like pine cones, pine needles, berry bushes, even tree bark.  We find hard things like rocks and the sidewalk.  We find rough things like bricks. We find smooth things like chicken eggs…don’t throw them, don’t throw them, don’t throw them…they don’t bounce, they don’t bounce, they don’t bounce.   We find a lot. 

For some reason I don’t get to bring it ALL inside.  I try.  Once I brought an egg inside, but it smooshed in my pocket.  Then it was wet, sticky and gooey. Talk about texture!  I thought it was cool, but Daddy and Momma weren’t as impressed.  Nope, they were all Mr. and Mrs. Serious.  Tough crowd. 

Anyway, the other day I found a lot of pretty flowers still blooming and big lizards.  I saw big buzz bees and cool rocks.  I saw onions and cucumbers growing.  AND there were really pretty clouds in the sky.   It was soooo cool!  They were perfect pictures.   So I told Gram that we should take pictures for Momma to help…but Gram didn’t have a camera.  Yea, I know.  I thought she was joking at first too, so I laughed.  Then I realized she was serious.  I was speechless.  I thought everyone and their mother had a camera.  Not Gram.  Not this time.  Astounding.  Simply astounding.   It’s either all or nothing with this family and the cameras!!

No pictures people!

Ummm…yea, no pictures!

Didn’t you read the part about no pictures being taken?

So I’ve designated my money buttons in my piggy bank.  I’m going to get Gram a camera for Christmas.  It’s not that I want more cameras around or anything.  I just can’t let that happen again.  Well, I’m off to count my money buttons!

Oh my.  Babies are exhausting.   They don’t do much, AND they sleep a lot during the day…but they sure are tiring.  

It’s possible I was mistaken.  I’ve decided naps are pretty amazing, if nothing else to just rest and escape from any baby crying and fussing. Sometimes a guy just needs a little alone time after being around a baby that much.  It might help if she started doing things around the house.  She doesn’t pick up her own toys; she makes messes and doesn’t have to clean them up. She doesn’t do chores like feed the animals, help with laundry, clean the floors with Momma or put groceries away.   I have to do it all!!  And if that wasn’t exhausting enough, I have to help feed her, burp her, bring diapers to Momma, put her dirty clothes in the washer, and bring her toys to Momma.  It doesn’t end there.  Apparently I’m a pretty entertaining kid because she smiles and laughs a lot when she sees me.  So I have to entertain her too!   Man, I’m exhausted just telling you about it.  I don’t know what Momma and Daddy would do without me.  Seriously. 

So…tired…

What was a saying?  Sorry, I dosed a little there.  Oh yea, because of baby Lyla, Momma and Daddy need my help, like always. That brings me to field adventures.   *Yawn*.  Not only do I now have to distract and charm people from Momma’s embarrassing picture-taking behavior, now I have to help point things out.   Both Momma and Daddy are clearly distracted by Lyla, otherwise they wouldn’t ask me to help.   For example, when we were out the other day, I saw tractors and diggers so I made sure Momma would notice and take pictures.  She would have walked right by these amazing machines had I not exclaimed, “Oh my! Momma Momma- twactah! Twactah!!  Digga!! Momma.”    To my horror, she asked, “Is that a tractor Nater?  Do you see a tractor?  Where’s the tractor?”  Ummm…did I not JUST POINT IT OUT!!!???  She didn’t even know it was a tractor.  Pshaw.  That baby girl is ruining her brain or something, because she should really know what a tractor is.   Back to farm puzzles for her!!   Like I said, I don’t know what they would do without me.  *Yawn*.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go take a nap. 

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• Nate’s Notes: What IS SHE Doing Here?

They say change is good.  Until a couple of months ago, I would have agreed to this only in terms of diapers.   You have to remember, I am going through a LOT of changes right now:  I am growing, I face forward in the car now, I have to sleep in my room in a big boy bed, there is a new baby here that seems to not be going away, I have to give up the bottle, the new Imagery website keeping Momma busy, and did I mention that baby?   So all this means new routines, new outings, new ideas.   I’m not going to lie, all of this is slightly overwhelming and the cause of many tantrums (Momma’s not mine).  But, I’m also seeing some good things come from these changes.  

Like I mentioned before, I get to have many more shenanigans since Momma is so busy.   I get to do big boy stuff now like brush my teeth (toothpaste tastes a-mazing!!!), help set the table, water the garden, and take care of that baby.   She needs a LOT of care.  Seriously, for not doing very much besides eating and sleeping, she needs a super lot of care.  Anyway, there are still a ton of things I don’t get to touch or do, but I can be patient.   One of the BEST changes is the kind of field adventures we do.  Now we get to go to cool places like the zoo, museums and train town.  Sit down people, because I’m about to tell you about these amazing machines.  You sit on them.  You ride them.   They have bells and whistles.  Literally,  not figuratively.  They are the most fun and fantastic thing, even more so than bananas, books and bouncy balls.  Trains.  They huff, they puff (no they aren’t the bad wolf), they chug and they choo.   I got to ride my very first train at the zoo, then again at train town.  

Big Bumpers!

Wow. Traintastic!!  Plus, you know what?  My Papa knows all about trains!!  Actually, I think he lives on the train.   When Momma or Daddy ask me where Papa is (they always seem to misplace him), I answer, “Papa. Wide da twain!”…and they just smile.   So it must be true.  I could fall asleep listening to the sound of huffa-puffa…huffa-puffa…choo-choo…huffa-puffa…choo-choo.  I guess change might be okay after all.   Ride the rails!!!

It’s happening all over again.  Oh-By the way, SHE is still here.  What does she think this place is, Extended Stay or something?   I mean, seriously.   I am kind of getting used to her and her noises…and smells.   And, honestly, having her around seems to be working in my favor.   Momma says that with limited time and limited hands, she has to pick her battles with me, whatever that means.  All I know is that my shenanigans go mostly unnoticed since Lyla came to live with us.   Score for me! 

So anyway, like I shared last time, “they” are busy busy busy taking more photos, different kinds of photos, and opening the Imagery site.  As if the textures weren’t bad enough.  At least with textures, I felt like there was an end in sight.   I mean, how many pictures of concrete, wood, metal and leaves can a person take?   A normal person???  Well, now they don’t just take one or two pictures in one spot.  They take, like, a lot.  Like way more than I have books and toys.  

They are back to embarrassing me all over.  We are walking along, and Momma or Daddy stop and take a picture of a door.  Then, instead of casually moving along, it’s like they decide what they can each do that will bring the most stares.  So they take a picture from the left, then the from right, then close to the ground, then they find a bench or chair and stand on that to take a picture of the door. Then the bench.  Once again, the opportunity to move on arrives…but they don’t.  By this time people are giving me sympathetic glances.  Now Momma or Daddy get up close to the door and take pictures of the door knob, the handles, the wood grain, the paint, the hinges, any windows, the building, the cars, the parking meter thingies, the lights, and more.  It doesn’t end.  SOMEONE save me. Anyone!?!  Better yet, leave me and save that baby girl while she still has a chance.   Yea, Lyla comes along on the field adventures now too.  She’s E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E.

See, with the Imagery site, there will be tons and tons more pictures of anything you can think of.   I don’t even know what that means.  To me, it translates to MORE field adventures and MORE occasions to be humiliated by Momma and Daddy’s behavior. They need a SERIOUS time out or something.  Well, until I can finalize my plans to flee, I’ll be subjected to this.  Besides, SOMEONE has to look out for Lyla; she has no idea what her life is going to be like here with these crazy picture-taking people. I blame the textures.  It all started with textures.